Sonward Youth Programs

The Fight You Face Every Day

Conflict is a daily reality. Maybe someone shoves you on the basketball court, or a classmate mouths off and calls you names in front of everybody. When anger flares, it’s easy to think fighting back or making a threat is the only way to earn respect or stay safe. You might even feel like not hitting back makes you look weak. But is that true strength, or is there a better way?

Hitting or threatening someone might win the moment, but it can cause real harm. It can get you suspended, arrested, or worse. So how do you respond with strength, without causing damage to your future or someone else’s? That’s where the idea of equal energy comes in.

What “Equal Energy” Really Means

Equal energy means matching the challenge without doing wrong in return. You don’t let someone walk all over you, but you also don’t let anger lead you into regret. It’s about staying calm and strong at the same time. If someone comes at you with a level 5 of disrespect or anger, you don’t answer with a level 0, and you don’t blow up with a level 10. Instead, you respond with a level 5 of your own, steady, controlled, and confident.

It’s not about fighting back, it’s about standing tall.

What Does Equal Energy Look Like?

Let’s say a group is sitting at the lunch table. One person makes a slick comment, calling someone else boring, trying to get laughs. It stings. The other person feels disrespected and snaps back with a threat. Maybe it’s “say it again and see what happens” or “I’ll fight you after program.”

Now both people are in the wrong. One started it with a disrespectful jab. The other tried to match it with a threat of violence. In the moment, both were feeding the fire. What was missing? Equal energy.

If the second person had matched the situation with equal energy—not less confidence, not more aggression—they might have responded like this: “That wasn’t cool. You don’t have to like me, but don’t disrespect me.” Then they could’ve turned their attention back to their food or their friends, keeping calm and walking away from the trap. No threat. No fight. Still strong.

That’s equal energy. Not shrinking, but not exploding either. Choosing to handle the heat without setting the whole place on fire.

Real Strength = Self-Control

When someone disrespects you, your body wants to react. But real strength isn’t about who can throw a punch. It’s about who can control themselves when it counts.

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

Here’s how to hold your ground with real power:

   •   Take a prayer pause. Ask God silently, “Help me stay cool.” That quick pause can save your whole future.

   •   Count and breathe. Ten seconds of deep breathing gives your brain time to take control back from your emotions.

   •   Speak truth without trash. Say what you mean, calmly and clearly. “I’m not cool with that. Let’s move on.”

   •   Walk away if you need to. That’s not weakness. That’s wisdom.

Jesus Mode: Power with Purpose

Jesus didn’t run from conflict, but He didn’t escalate it either. He had power, but He used it to heal, not to harm. When people came to arrest Him, He didn’t throw punches. He told Peter to put away his sword and healed the man who came to take Him away. That’s equal energy in action.

Being a peacemaker doesn’t mean you let people disrespect you. It means you learn how to respond with truth, strength, and self-control, just like Jesus did.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (Matthew 5:9)

Your Next Move

The next time someone tests you, try equal energy. Pause. Pray. Respond without threats and violence. If you need backup, find a mentor, staff member, or older youth you trust. That’s what we’re here for.

And remember, anyone can throw a punch. Anyone can snap back with a threat. Not everyone can stay cool. Not everyone can lead. You can.

So be strong. Be calm. Be clear. Be like Jesus.

That’s how we change the story.

That’s how we change the world.

One response at a time.